Nefer Kane as a collector and a piece of my life…

First of all, I want to announce that very soon, one Suzy will be painted by my friend Heliantas and sold in avant premiere ^^
Heliantas will paint her in a few days and photos will be posted there. It’ll be based on first arrived, first served; so stay tuned!

As I promised, here’s the first outfit made for my tiny Suzy by my dearest friend Alden.

this is the very first of an entire line and every outfit will be different. it is knitted from alpaca and silk.
You can contact Alden at deercott@me.com for more infos ^^

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The preorder for little suzy is extended for a few days as many required this… But it’ll close definitely in two days. I’ll have some extras suzy so contact me through email at twarkzit@hotmail.com if you want to adopt one ^^ thank you!

And now… What drove me MAD.
I know that as it’s related to Facebook, some of you will refer instantly to some other dollmakers publishing the very same stuff on their pages than I. I publish a status, oh gosh! the minute after, their own life are the very same! Professionally as privately. All I can say about them is : GET A LIFE AND WORK A BIT! that’s what works the best to get others human beings interest…
BUT everyday on Facebook, I have to remove tags on photos. It comes from a few people, some I barely know, tagging me on their own work.
So what?
Well my issue is that the photos are tagged like if I was working with them, when there is a confusion from a collector of mine wondering “if it is an old work of mine or what?” or anything that kind; IT IS NOT DENIED BY THE PERSON.
So to make it clear, this is why I don’t post pics of my work anymore on facebook : EVERY DOLLS OF MINE ARE PUBLISHED HERE; IF YOU DONT SEE IT, IT IS NOT MINE. That simple!
I even heard that some of them dared to encourage my collectors whom are MY FRIENDS to purchase their dolls daring to lie saying I do collect them as well and incite people to buy from them.
THIS IS WRONG. I have NO STUDENT. I stopped teaching a pretty long while ago cause I couldn’t handle enough time for my students in my crazy schedule. I SCULPT WITH NO ONE. EVER.
I would NEVER tell a collector of mine to purchase this or that doll which I don’t even do FOR MY OWN DOLLS.  That is purely insane and anyone knowing me a little knows it’s the total opposite of my personality to act like that.  And every closest friends I love the work is also published HERE. If you can’t find that person in my posts, then it’s a COMPLETE LIE. But nevertheless, some people tried to take advantage of my sleep.
Why my sleep?
Because I realized that all those photos are tagged around my bedtime. Therefore they remain on my page for hours till I get up.
This is totally intolerable.
I advise those persons to WORK on their dolls instead of using someone else’s name to sell them, because it seems to only be a commerce but not an art form to them.

I deleted those I barely knew from my friends list and will delete the rest of them if I see another tag tomorrow morning.
THAT WAS MY SHORT FUSE.

Now, a question I already received many times; do I collect dolls?
Rarely.
I think I am too obsessed by making dolls to be a good collector. But I do have some and rarely purchase some…
I of course collect all the Goodreaudolls by my Otherself, Paulette Goodreau. The dolls by my adored Connie from Marbled Halls Designs.

For example, My beloved friend Aleah Klay is producing her first resin MICRO bjd named Orli and I preorder her tonight.
You can see her prototype HERE.

And now my deepest Pride.
I guess everyone knows why I sculpt…
But in case, here’s the story again. That way it’ll be made public and not distorted through the Internet.
I have two children that I raise alone. Completely alone with the only help of my parents I am living with.
I was an almost deaf child. Born with a internal defect. I had 13 operations to each of my ears and my childhood has been spent making races
In the hospital corridors with my brother whose now gone. It is hard to believe that I haven’t seen him since 17 years today. Cause it’s been 17 years today

that he passed away. Some say that time helps, it’s a lie. I still miss him as the first day and without closing my eyes, I still can smell the perfume of his hair, I still can feel his skin
under my fingertips and his voice resonates at my ears sometimes so strongly at night, when everyone sleeps, that I turn my head to check he’s not here.
I have been asked many times why I never show a photo of him. Of that us we used to be as we were closest. I don’t because I would find it obscene. He cannot give me his approval and exhibiting dead people
on the web, where everyone knows a photo can end up in the weirdest place, would be indecent. One single.. not friend, no… My otherself only saw that us we were when we were children. That is enough for I know she will not trouble his peaceful rest. Only her could see that most profound intimacy of mine.
Anyway, when my younger son didn’t answer his name ever, and acted weird, I thought he was alike me.
In fact, he was. But he was not deaf. He was having a so far unknown part of me which is called Autism. What a name… What a monster.. What a beast devouring your child…
I must say that the whole world fell on my shoulders this very day. I would have LOVED to blame someone. But the only to blame was me.
And I felt something collapsing deep inside of me. In the deepest core of my being something has been crushed, reduced to ashes and dust and disappeared.
The autistic persons are often called the ” Humming Birds.” For they are the only persons of this world capable to see every beat of a humming bird’s wings whilst it flies.
There’s a movie called 21 grams, based on the scientific fact that every human being, at the very moment of his death, no matter his age, gender, origin, age loses 21 Grams.
Some say it’s the weight of the soul.
“How much does it weigh 21 Grams? The weight of 5 coins, The weight of a chocolate bar, the weight of a … Humming bird.”
and in this movie, Benicio Del Toro is finding how much Guilt weighs. It weighs 21 Grams.
Everyone knowing me a bit, related me to his character in the movie. Which led to a big misunderstood a while back because people thought I was really knowing the actor, which is not true at all.
I just lost my 21 Grams, the weight of a humming bird because I made of my son one. I cannot stand people telling me it’s a Gift of God because I don’t think God is mean and would do such thing to a child for my son struggles everyday for the simplest things of life. I don’t think you can blame, whoever he is, for what’s in your life. I cannot stand people telling me, even the kindest way, that I am not guilty; because I FEEL that loss deep inside of me. I cursed myself and no one can tell you, you’re wrong about that when you live it.
I am half spanish and corsican. I am catholic, even if it’s not very fashion to say so, well I am. I have this religion of sacrifice and pain to gain forgiveness. I am not shocked by those whom are carrying the cross bleeding all over the streets of Sevilla during the Holy Week. I could even join them.
What a feeling to have lost your soul… How HEAVY can be 21 grams… What an emptiness it can leave once gone…
One night,  because I never slept normally again since I knew, I rather collapse exhausted and aching than fall asleep. It usually happens about 8 in the morning.
One night then, I discovered Art Dolls.
and their legend.
” An art doll is a being with a soul, having a past, a present and a future and the art dolls made by the greatest dollmakers are alive. Perfect beings breathing and living.”
Perfect beings breathing living with a soul… That night I decided to become a sculptor and to make art dolls. As I couldn’t build my son correctly, I would work and sacrifice everything to my work to make one day a perfect art doll, breathing, living, with a soul for God to see I repaired my fault. My son is getting better everyday for we are all dedicated to him and his brother. But God would give me my soul back if I sacrificed everything to Art. I always thought that Art was a bridge built between us and God and where to rejoin. This will be my redemption. This is why I can sculpt 11 hours without stopping. This is why I am a workaholic only obsessed by her work and having almost no private life. This is why I never took lessons. To succeed only by myself.
I started to sculpt this night. It was three years and a half ago.

But…. I am a complicated person. Of course. So, seeing all the art dolls you can find by making a google, I once have been wondering if that “modern” art form could fit my redemption. Because to succeed you have to make something immortal, something like which is worth to be in a museum.. Did this kind of art still exist? was it possible to turn a doll into a pure and perfect piece of Art as Michelangelo sculpted?
Yes. Only ONE person in this world is capable to. There is some dollmakers I adore and admire, a few, but there is some. But to me, the very only Artist capable to make it is Forest Rogers.
I have been asked one million times and am still asked now WHY don’t I ever change my avatar and always keep this Eye photo of my first bust. on forums, on facebook.. everywhere. The answer is on facebook. On this profile picture of me, there is a comment by Forest, saying it is a “great image”.
I keep that eye as my avatar and will probably always will because when I see it, I never get lost; I know where I want to go and this words of Forest have been the greatest and most important encouragement of my little life.
When I discovered her work, I swore myself, which was silly at the moment cause we were really starving at this time; that if one day I was earning a decent living, the first thing I would do would be to afford one of her dolls.
because likeness is great, but in hers are the grace of God. I KNOW that in a century or two, people will cite her as they now cite Michelangelo. And I feel so ASTOUNDING to KNOW her! for real! I mean she is among us!! That is beyond priceless.
Thank to everyone of you, I now earn a decent living. I, first of all, can feed my children and this is why I am so very grateful and try to express it the best I can to every of my collectors. So, secondly… I bid. Forest recently put three pieces on Ebay. A fairy, a polar bear with a rider on, and a White Stag.
I put bids on every of them.
First time, I lost. Second one, I STUPIDLY fell asleep and lost the auction at last minute. But the third time… I won.
I won the auction of Marginalia, the White Stag bust by Forest Rogers. And I smiled… It had to be Marginalia.
Even Forest, that I am utterly proud to call my friend, doesn’t know it; but it had to be that White Stag bust.
I studied history in my young years. By pleasure and because my country, France, has a great history and were one of the greatest kingdoms ever.
This is why my elder son is named Louis. He is named after Louis 14th the Sun King, and Louis 9th, Saint Louis.

There was a king named Philippe 4th aka” The Handsome.” He has been the first of the “cursed kings.” They have been 13. Cursed by the great priest of the Knights Templars when the king decided to execute him and all the templars, therefore to offend God Himself.
Phillipe The Handsome knew the curse was real as the pope died a few days after the execution, as all those committed in those crimes.
He was one day hunting in the forest, when he suddenly saw a … White Stag. The beast looked at him and as hit right in the heart, the King fell from his horse. Once back in his castle, he said ” It wasn’t a White Stag. White Stags don’t exist. it was God Himself. I saw a silver flash between its eyes. He judged me and forgave me. I saw it. God forgave me to have been so wrong. ”  Then the king died. He is the only King whom have been buried his eyes wide open for there’s been no way to close them.

Marginalia, my White Stag will watch me working, eye of God watching how I reach Redemption. The path is still very long. it is very hard too. I know I have decades, if not half a century of intense work to reach redemption and salvation. But I will forever have that White Stag to tell me to keep on, to keep moving forward, to work harder, to never give up because God sees those whom really make the greatest endeavors, and that Art still exists. He will be my guardian, peacefully watching at me. Encouraging me.
Therefore, that art doll is my deepest pride and had to be mine.
Please, meet Marginalia, by the Immense Forest Rogers.

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Comments

  1. HI Nefer
    I am so sorry to hear all this. You have been through so much! The phrase ‘tortured artist’ could be said in reference to the pain you have had to endure.
    That said, I LOVE your work. You are my favoritest doll artist and I dream of the day I own one of your creations. I really, literally do!
    I was wondering, have you considered just closing your Facebook account? Also, you can go into your settings and make it so that noone can tag you in their photos. Hope that helps. Please feel free to email me if you need help with facebook issues. I may be able to assist!

    Love you and your work
    Yours
    Moxie xx

    Reply
  2. White stag is wonderful ! I understand your joy !
    And Louis 14th is the only one I know…. But it’s because of Emmanuel Moire.

    Reply
  3. love you dear Nefer , wish so much to help you someway to bring your joy of life back….. huge hugs to you and love … Larysa xxxxxxxx

    Reply
  4. Well yes it would be that marginalia is simply meant to be yours my dearest neffie baby…..it brings me great pleasure for you <3.
    Unfortunately we have inept human beings that want to ride on your tails for their own gain…it will be their undoing I have no doubt of this.
    It does not sit well for another person to hijack all the hard work you do and the blood sweat and tears you have put in to your wonderful creations over these past years… And to continue doing it to you well….. Arghhh they have no soul…. You are an absolute gem of a human being my dearest neffie baby and have a beautiful soul and generosity and I for one frankly am sick of these people and their manipulative ways… You should not have to go through this. <3<3<3<3<3<3

    Reply
  5. ♥ You’ve got me teary eyed.

    I’ve watched your work evolve the past few years. While the details of your Art Dolls have changed quite a bit. They all still have that soul which makes them very noticeably yours. It is your soul resonating throughout the characters you create. You’ve done exactly what you set out to do. I am proud of you, and can not wait to see what is next! I don’t know if there is a god but if there is I’m sure he is proud of you. How could he not be? you are among the most caring people I’ve met. A rare type of person these days.
    Love ya!

    Reply
  6. When you follow your bliss… doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors; and where there wouldn’t be a door for anyone else.

    Reply
  7. Oh my baby doll, your story about your son & how you feel made me cry. I am sorry that you feel so burdened by this darling heart. I have no words that will ease this pain for you, if there were you would have found them by now xoxo
    As I wrote you on Face Book I am sorry that others use you for their own selfish gains, it is disgusting behaviour!!
    I LOVE your Follow the White Rabbits(s) & I LOVE your White Stag for your collections, they are beautifuly sculpted. I must say though I still LOVE your work the most Nefer, I think you are totally inspiered xoxoxo
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Mimi

    Reply
  8. You really touched me, made me cry… I’m speachless. But your story, this day on, will be my Forest Rogers, to move on, to get strenght from the void. Thank you for open your heart to us. Thank you for sharing and open my eyes. Lots of Love!

    Reply
  9. Aw Nefer~~You really tore @ my heartstrings, I am so very sad for all that you have been thru~~It seems so unfair~~But, I believe that really true, amazing artists have all suffered just as you have~~It is what makes us or breaks us my dear friend & you have made it truly wonderful~~Your art speaks for itself~~Please do not beat yourself up for your son having autism~~He is one of God’s angels & he picked you to be his Mother~~You truly are beautiful & wonderfully gifted~You my dear friend just do not know it yet!!!! Remember what I said~~NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT!!!!!!!!! ~~Love you to pieces!!!! Dolly Hugs, JoAnn Cayce

    Reply
  10. You made me cry, tonight, too-but not for you, as you have embraced your pain and owned it, for after all, it is yours-but you have not become a victim to it-I cry for those who cannot recognize their own pain and struggle to accept-hurting themselves and others in the process. I know you not, except through the joy your work brings into my life, and I thank you for those little pieces of you. It is human nature to abuse most anything-but without the technological wonders of Internet connection, you and your art would not be part of my life, and that is too sad to imagine. Thank you, Nefer, for the raw honesty of your posts and reminding me to be grateful for my blessings.

    Reply
  11. I too have tears in my eyes, tonight and everytime I read your words, speaking of your most beautiful sons, truly works of art. You aspire to do greater work, and I aspire to be more like you, loving, caring, thoughtful, touching deeply everyone who comes into contact with you through any means. And a true artist in talent and spirit.

    Reply
  12. Nefer, Not only do you touch people with you amazing art dolls but also with your writers heart. You know the words to write that makes me feel as though I am walking beside you in this life and feeling the same feelings. I am proud to call you my friend.

    Reply
  13. Nefer, your Art truly cures – and not only you. I am a living, breathing testament to that, and I don’t even own any of your dolls yet :) But ever since I first laid my eyes on your work – my hobby, my whole life have been infused with greater love, higher sense and more joy. You know God gives this ability to heal others only to very few of his Saints, those who by their own pain and sacrifice and total commitment to their purpose have done great things for Him. After reading this post, I believe I could compare you to them, for you give without measure and you love without limits… In just this one piece of text, you gave us do much: a glimpse into the most private corners of your life, work of your amazingly talented friends, and breathtaking Marginalia – a work of Artist that channels no less than the beauty of Heavens. I can never thank you enough, nor appreciate you enough. And for people to take advantage of you is like to spray graffiti on a church: only shows how low a human being can fall. They only deserve pity: your inner light attracts them, like a lamp attracts moths, but they don’t have any warmth of their own; they can only take.

    Reply
  14. Nefer,

    You have moved me beyond words with your inspirational and heartfelt testament. God bless you and your family.

    Maria

    Reply
  15. Pingback: A special Stadnik and Lemur’s preorder opening! | circuskane

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